Intro2 Someone's Lying, But It's Not Me

" I am not scheduling my life around you! When you figure it out, let me know."

This is what Roommate 1, who shall henceforth be called Le-mure, said to me when I inquired about the internet not being set up once I had moved in.

In order to grasp the full triflinility (UBER TRIFLING) of the situation, we must back track.

During Red Flags, we discussed at some point, how the internet situation was going to work. Le-mure offered (key word) that since he had an account with RCN he could give them a call (badabing), they'd come out (badaboom), and when I moved in I.N.T.E.R.N.E.T. W.E.B. --do you know what that means-- so I could get Jiggy from day one.

So when I moved in ...16 days after the lease started, and twas no internet, I realized that this rooming situation might be a tad bit rough. When I got settled in, I knocked on Le-mure's door to inquire about getting the internet set up. I could have easily gotten the internet in my name, but I believe in letting others be accountable for themselves and allowing people to follow-up and follow-through.

"Hi Le-mure! I just got off work and I wanted to quickly touch base with you about getting the internet set up. " "Ok." "Yeah, so when do you think you can give them a call to come out and set up. " "I am not scheduling my life around you! When you figure it out, let me know." "...Let you know?" He said, "yes, let me know when you're off and we can go from there."

"Since you guys are usually here during the day, and I just need it set up as asap. Would you mind since I don't need to be here, you ca --" "I just said that I'm not scheduling my life around you. You need to let me know when you're off and we can go from there." I walked away defeated.

Next day on Thursday (when work schedules come out), I knocked on Lemur's door. "Who is it?" "Lateef." "What do you need?" "I just wanted to talk to you about getting the internet set up." "Get the internet set up? --still talking through the door -- So you know when you're free because we're not going to schedule our lives around you." "Yes... ... could I speak to you"

::opens door:: "so what day?" "I'm off Tuesday, but if you could get that taken care of any earlier that would be fantastic because I need it for work, and just because I don't have a tv." "Yeah, I'll let you know."

::45 min past, knock on my door:: I respond by opening it:: "Hi, What's up?" In a very low spoken controlled voice, he goes, " I just wanted to let you know that I called them and they said Tuesday was no good. They are backed up and won't be able to do it until Friday. " " Oh ok, I can take off work. Yeah I can do that." I was lying, I was already off Friday but wanted to make it seem urgent.

I asked him what time, and he looked at me for the first time during that conversation. He goes, "11." "11?" "11." "11 to?" "11 to? two? two." "Ok, I will be here from 11 to 2 on Friday, Thanks."

... to be continued

RED FLAGS

I moved back home for a month (in September) to "save" money for a deposit. This month consisted of begging and pleading for my family to give me money for said deposit and it worked! I spent all of 10 minutes deciding what neighborhood I would move to. Since I had been recently promoted, the lavish lifestyle of Lincoln Park seemed fitting.

I came across an ad to be a roommate of a 29 year old veterinarian, looking for a chill roommate to reside with him and his brother. I'm chill, I'm cool, and I'm responsible -- so OBVIOUSLY out of the interviews they had, I knew they would choose me. They would choose me for a couple of reasons, 1) pimp status (it just is), 2) baller status (it just is), 3) You have to holla at it unless you do not wish to be holla-ed at ( it t o t a l l y is ), and 4) I'm a good interviewer in all seriousness.

But had I paid a little more attention to the RED FLAGS listed below, I would have known to run to the nearest Craigslist ad or Apartment Finders and find somewhere else to live. So I present to you :

RED FLAGS: Things that should concern you before you move in with a random person

1) The future roommate's cat starts to attack your shoes... while you have them on. -- Realize at this moment that this cat will NEVER be your friend, and that this cat **insert demon horns for ears** will add more drama to your life than it is worth.

2) Your future roommate says there are certain bills he cannot put in his name -- Realize at this moment that he has BAD CREDIT and that he currently has an OUTSTANDING bill with a utility company.

3) No current or previous roommates are available for you to meet. -- Realize at this moment that they are running away from him, and that you should excuse yourself, as well, and run to the nearest exit.

4) Your future roommate says that he cleans the cat's litter box everyday. -- Realize at this moment that he is a L.I.A.R. and full of CRAP (like the litter box itself. ) Kudos for wanting to impress you, but still run. He will clean that thing once a month... ... ... maybe

5) Your future roommate has the name of your childhood enemy. ( (Hear me out) ) Every Amber I knew... Crazy. Johns - Crazy. Brittany -- spelled like that -- CRAZY. So it has been my experience that if you are going to live with someone, IT IS IMPERATIVE that it is not someone with the name of an old enemy, old flame, and old [insert situation with a person that did not work out].

6) Your future roommate looks like someone else you knew that steals/was creepy/ looks through peoples underwear drawer. ( ( Hear me out ) ) There was this guy at my school who just was odd. He used to go through my phone, go through my desk drawers, looked in and around my closet, went through my friends backpack and purses. Although he didn't steal, he just looked... It wasn't cool bro... just not cool. If you are faced with this... LEAP out the nearest window.

7) If your roommate has lemur eyes, like the ones listed below, self-implode before moving in.

Introduction

On Monday, March 22 of 2010, I filed my first police report. It was a non-emergency situation, and the culprits were my roommates. How do you get to this point? Follow along.