RED FLAGS

I moved back home for a month (in September) to "save" money for a deposit. This month consisted of begging and pleading for my family to give me money for said deposit and it worked! I spent all of 10 minutes deciding what neighborhood I would move to. Since I had been recently promoted, the lavish lifestyle of Lincoln Park seemed fitting.

I came across an ad to be a roommate of a 29 year old veterinarian, looking for a chill roommate to reside with him and his brother. I'm chill, I'm cool, and I'm responsible -- so OBVIOUSLY out of the interviews they had, I knew they would choose me. They would choose me for a couple of reasons, 1) pimp status (it just is), 2) baller status (it just is), 3) You have to holla at it unless you do not wish to be holla-ed at ( it t o t a l l y is ), and 4) I'm a good interviewer in all seriousness.

But had I paid a little more attention to the RED FLAGS listed below, I would have known to run to the nearest Craigslist ad or Apartment Finders and find somewhere else to live. So I present to you :

RED FLAGS: Things that should concern you before you move in with a random person

1) The future roommate's cat starts to attack your shoes... while you have them on. -- Realize at this moment that this cat will NEVER be your friend, and that this cat **insert demon horns for ears** will add more drama to your life than it is worth.

2) Your future roommate says there are certain bills he cannot put in his name -- Realize at this moment that he has BAD CREDIT and that he currently has an OUTSTANDING bill with a utility company.

3) No current or previous roommates are available for you to meet. -- Realize at this moment that they are running away from him, and that you should excuse yourself, as well, and run to the nearest exit.

4) Your future roommate says that he cleans the cat's litter box everyday. -- Realize at this moment that he is a L.I.A.R. and full of CRAP (like the litter box itself. ) Kudos for wanting to impress you, but still run. He will clean that thing once a month... ... ... maybe

5) Your future roommate has the name of your childhood enemy. ( (Hear me out) ) Every Amber I knew... Crazy. Johns - Crazy. Brittany -- spelled like that -- CRAZY. So it has been my experience that if you are going to live with someone, IT IS IMPERATIVE that it is not someone with the name of an old enemy, old flame, and old [insert situation with a person that did not work out].

6) Your future roommate looks like someone else you knew that steals/was creepy/ looks through peoples underwear drawer. ( ( Hear me out ) ) There was this guy at my school who just was odd. He used to go through my phone, go through my desk drawers, looked in and around my closet, went through my friends backpack and purses. Although he didn't steal, he just looked... It wasn't cool bro... just not cool. If you are faced with this... LEAP out the nearest window.

7) If your roommate has lemur eyes, like the ones listed below, self-implode before moving in.