We are not your MAIDS!

"I need to talk to you, ME and SHORTY are not YOUR MAIDS!"

It was at this point, I realized that Lemur is not a person... I was living with a cartoon. He was/IS insane, has no perception of space and privacy, and was driving me to the edge of receiving my first aneurysm.

"You need to clean the bathroom, like now." "Uhm... I've only lived here for two days. I don't mind cleaning it every three weeks though, that seems the most fair."


"Yeah, you better because I've cleaned the bathroom 2 times and Shorty has cleaned it 3 times! So you BETTER clean it next week."


"... okay? In the three weeks you've been living here, the bathroom has been cleaned 5 times?"

" That's how we do it, you better clean it next week."

" Your behavior right now is seriously unacceptable. I'm not sure why you're being hostile, but it needs to end. This can't work without respect, don't speak to me in that manner."

"We need to have a house meeting! You can't just walk around here like you own the place. If you see me, you need to address me." (This was him referring to me not addressing him one time when I saw him outside the apartment.)

"I'm not sure why you're so heated, but until you can use your words in a calm fashion this conversation is over. "

He walked away after that. Not only had we NOT discussed the RCN incident, we were in a worse place than before. I knew he was a LIAR, but I now realized that he was as dramatic as they come. I wish I could say, this was one of the last hostile events that took place in the apartment, but we were still in the first week. There was a major event that was gonna take place on Halloween...

The aftermath of RCN

Post the RCN incident, it took some serious evaluation as to whether I could move pass that situation. When someone knowingly misleads you about something so trivial, what can one expect once there is an actual friendship. Thankfully, my roommate has been so batcrap crazy from the beginning, this idea NEVER came into play.

I've had internet since the age of 13. When you grow up having unrestricted access to the world and beyond, your commitment to television is non-existent. This is the main reason I was annoyed. A typical day of rest, for me, would include turning on my laptop and catching up on all the court shows, reality shows, favorite drama, viral videos, celebrity drama, and music I had missed in the week prior because I was out working or partying.

Moving into the apartment, I didn't have internet access close to about 3 and a half weeks. As the days (weeks) went on, I grew so annoyed when I could hear Lemur and his brother, Shorty, merrily laughing at various television shows. This was the beginning of a hate-filled relationship. I started spending a lot of time away from "home" in order to catch up on my shows, I just started going to the apartment at night, to sleep.

Lemur never followed up on the RCN situation, never once did he apologize for the confusion. He never took responsibility. He, in fact, never addressed it.

This is on top of the fact that I couldn't get internet set up in MY name, because he had a past due account. Since we lived in the same apartment, I couldn't get a new service set up because his was past due. So not only was he crazy, he was a loser. A 29 year old loser, to be exact.

There are times though, especially so early in any relationship, when you think you should excuse bad behavior. We had only been living together for 8 days and things turned sour so quickly. I decided to give it another go, because this was day 8 of 365...

I talked to my parents, on my lunch break at work, and we all agreed that I should put the RCN incident in the past for a little while. That conversation I had during the second week of living there. That day I got off work at five, I was dead tired and wanted to sleep, sleep, and do some more sleeping. I got back to my apartment, changed and got into bed.

Within three minutes of me laying down, there are three loud knocks at my door. "YES," I said. "I need to talk to you," Lemur goes. I was annoyed but also kind of relieved, we were finally going to address this RCN incident. I opened the door, and Lemur says, "ME and SHORTY are not YOUR MAIDS!"

Twitter me This, Twitter me That #1

We didn't just erupt into Chaos. It was just drama heating up like a hot pot of grease... slowly. The tension was there, that is certain, but I had high hopes.

If you have been following me on Twitter (@teefy) or facebook.com/ajimotokan -- you would know that I started off optimistic and full of high hopes. And if you werent following me, or you just forgot, I have compiled my apartment related tweets from the beginning to now. 5 at a time... so stay patient and stay tuned.

Comments/tweets are appreciated.

Lateef

TMT, TMT #

1. September 21, 2009 - 6:19 pm. "@teefy is on his way to an apartment viewing in Lincoln Park."

2. September 21, 2009 - 7:12p "Apt viewing went well. I should find out by wednesday."

3. September 25, 2009 - 8:53a. "Just got offered the apartment in Lincoln Park. The room is small, but there is a lot of storage space. Now to meet the landlords..."

4. September 28, 2009 - 1106a. "I am moving to Lincoln Park. I put my 1st month and security deposit down on Saturday. Now I'm waiting for my copy of the lease."

5. October 8, 2009 - 243p " first day off in 13 days. It is a fantastic feeling. Gonna get my haircut, continue packing, and move some of my stuff in."

Someone's Lying, But It's Not Me

Friday, I had plans to get the internet set up, get my hair cut, then Party in the U.S.A. Unfortunately, one of those three things did not happen...

Friday morning, I'm waiting around for RCN to come and set up the internet. I woke up early, I ate, I caught up on the Hills(for my girl Heidi)/The City (for my girl Whitney & Olivia) . At 10:57a.m. Le-mur sends this text, "Where are you? RCN said they were there and now they are gone. We are going to have to make another appointment."

I texted him back in less than 30 seconds and said, "Le-mur, I'm here. Call them immediately please, I didn't hear the doorbell ring. Please let them know I'm here."

"I can't talk on the phone now."

"Give me the technician's number. I will call"

"No. I will call when I go on break.... but they probably won't be able to make it back out."

Giving him the benefit of a doubt, and the fact that I had nothing to do for the next 3 hours, I decided to reach out and call RCN myself. I used my handy dandy LG COOKIE to look up the 800 number. I finally was directed to the Chicago branch and inquired about services that should have been set up at my apartment. They said, "Sir, we never had a work order for your apartment." " Are you sure?" "Yes, but if you'd like to get set up soon, I'd be happy to do that for you." "No thank you... are you sure it wasn't placed on a different floor or something." "no, there isn't anyone being serviced at your residence today." "Okay thanks."

I sat confused for about 4 minutes... just sat... confused... Did I just move in with a crazy person? Why would someone go through the trouble of lying about getting the internet set up? I decided that instead of letting my mind race, I was going to immediately confront him and we would get it resolved fairly quickly.

I hit him up with this text, "Lemur, I just called RCN and they said that they never had a work order put in for today. What is your response to that?" I sat there anxious for about 4 minutes.

... ... ... ... ... ... **ring** DangIt! Tweet alerts! ... Facebook updates... ... **ring** ... receiving message... ... ..."My response is I don't know why they would say that? I called and they said they would be here from 11-2."

"Okay... I'll try to call them again and get this cleared up. "

" I told you that I would call on my break"

I decided to call again, and speak to RCN, and as I was on the phone with the representative Lemur called me. I let it go to voicemail and I finished up my conversation. She informed me that there WAS a work order put in for earlier in the month, and that was canceled by Lemur. She also let me know that I could sign up that day and Save $15 on an amazing internet package. I obviously was NOT interested.

I then listened to Lemur's voicemail and he had the NERVE to say, "Hey Lateef, for the sake of argument I called RCN and you're full of crap. They said that 1) they did have a work order and YOU didn't answer the door and 2) you don't have access to that information. Not really sure why you're doing this, but we can work this out."

WTF. I called him back and it immediately went to his voicemail. I said, "Lemur, I hope I'm not offending you by calling RCN myself, but I took off work to get this internet set up. They dont have any record of a work order being placed for today. I do have access to this information because I'm inquiring about services to be set up, and I have your address, and contact information. I'm not asking how these services are used, Please call me back."

I called RCN again, and I will admit that I was going OFF on this woman. And she was like, "Sir! Point blank, your roommate lied to you! We keep records of every work order that was placed and it's not there! Furthermore, we wouldn't have even come out even IF he did place and order because HIS account is PAST DUE."

I was silent for about 15 seconds. "Wait... This dude is going through all this to cover up that his account is past due. " "Yes, but if you would like to make a partial payment of $39, we can go ahead and get you set up tomorrow as early as 8 a.m. " "No Thank You, you have been fantastic, sorry about before."

I was LIVID. I didn't know what to do besides be upset, I had spent the majority of 11a-2pm on the phone with either RCN or texting Lemur over something so simple. I decided I wan't dedicating anymore time to this mess, so I just sent him a text message to acknowledge his triflinity and I was going to leave it at that.

"Your account has BEEN past due, they wouldn't have come out even IF you HAD called. They wanted me to make a partial payment. I'm confused as to why you would go so far to lie and have me take off of work. I don't want to discuss this anymore, I've already wasted 3 hours of my life."

"Lateef... you don't have access to that information so I don't know why you are continuing to lie. It really doesn't make sense. Also, we DO need to discuss this because I don't want you to think I'm a liar. We can talk about this when I get home."

"Good bye Lemur, and good day."

Intro2 Someone's Lying, But It's Not Me

" I am not scheduling my life around you! When you figure it out, let me know."

This is what Roommate 1, who shall henceforth be called Le-mure, said to me when I inquired about the internet not being set up once I had moved in.

In order to grasp the full triflinility (UBER TRIFLING) of the situation, we must back track.

During Red Flags, we discussed at some point, how the internet situation was going to work. Le-mure offered (key word) that since he had an account with RCN he could give them a call (badabing), they'd come out (badaboom), and when I moved in I.N.T.E.R.N.E.T. W.E.B. --do you know what that means-- so I could get Jiggy from day one.

So when I moved in ...16 days after the lease started, and twas no internet, I realized that this rooming situation might be a tad bit rough. When I got settled in, I knocked on Le-mure's door to inquire about getting the internet set up. I could have easily gotten the internet in my name, but I believe in letting others be accountable for themselves and allowing people to follow-up and follow-through.

"Hi Le-mure! I just got off work and I wanted to quickly touch base with you about getting the internet set up. " "Ok." "Yeah, so when do you think you can give them a call to come out and set up. " "I am not scheduling my life around you! When you figure it out, let me know." "...Let you know?" He said, "yes, let me know when you're off and we can go from there."

"Since you guys are usually here during the day, and I just need it set up as asap. Would you mind since I don't need to be here, you ca --" "I just said that I'm not scheduling my life around you. You need to let me know when you're off and we can go from there." I walked away defeated.

Next day on Thursday (when work schedules come out), I knocked on Lemur's door. "Who is it?" "Lateef." "What do you need?" "I just wanted to talk to you about getting the internet set up." "Get the internet set up? --still talking through the door -- So you know when you're free because we're not going to schedule our lives around you." "Yes... ... could I speak to you"

::opens door:: "so what day?" "I'm off Tuesday, but if you could get that taken care of any earlier that would be fantastic because I need it for work, and just because I don't have a tv." "Yeah, I'll let you know."

::45 min past, knock on my door:: I respond by opening it:: "Hi, What's up?" In a very low spoken controlled voice, he goes, " I just wanted to let you know that I called them and they said Tuesday was no good. They are backed up and won't be able to do it until Friday. " " Oh ok, I can take off work. Yeah I can do that." I was lying, I was already off Friday but wanted to make it seem urgent.

I asked him what time, and he looked at me for the first time during that conversation. He goes, "11." "11?" "11." "11 to?" "11 to? two? two." "Ok, I will be here from 11 to 2 on Friday, Thanks."

... to be continued

RED FLAGS

I moved back home for a month (in September) to "save" money for a deposit. This month consisted of begging and pleading for my family to give me money for said deposit and it worked! I spent all of 10 minutes deciding what neighborhood I would move to. Since I had been recently promoted, the lavish lifestyle of Lincoln Park seemed fitting.

I came across an ad to be a roommate of a 29 year old veterinarian, looking for a chill roommate to reside with him and his brother. I'm chill, I'm cool, and I'm responsible -- so OBVIOUSLY out of the interviews they had, I knew they would choose me. They would choose me for a couple of reasons, 1) pimp status (it just is), 2) baller status (it just is), 3) You have to holla at it unless you do not wish to be holla-ed at ( it t o t a l l y is ), and 4) I'm a good interviewer in all seriousness.

But had I paid a little more attention to the RED FLAGS listed below, I would have known to run to the nearest Craigslist ad or Apartment Finders and find somewhere else to live. So I present to you :

RED FLAGS: Things that should concern you before you move in with a random person

1) The future roommate's cat starts to attack your shoes... while you have them on. -- Realize at this moment that this cat will NEVER be your friend, and that this cat **insert demon horns for ears** will add more drama to your life than it is worth.

2) Your future roommate says there are certain bills he cannot put in his name -- Realize at this moment that he has BAD CREDIT and that he currently has an OUTSTANDING bill with a utility company.

3) No current or previous roommates are available for you to meet. -- Realize at this moment that they are running away from him, and that you should excuse yourself, as well, and run to the nearest exit.

4) Your future roommate says that he cleans the cat's litter box everyday. -- Realize at this moment that he is a L.I.A.R. and full of CRAP (like the litter box itself. ) Kudos for wanting to impress you, but still run. He will clean that thing once a month... ... ... maybe

5) Your future roommate has the name of your childhood enemy. ( (Hear me out) ) Every Amber I knew... Crazy. Johns - Crazy. Brittany -- spelled like that -- CRAZY. So it has been my experience that if you are going to live with someone, IT IS IMPERATIVE that it is not someone with the name of an old enemy, old flame, and old [insert situation with a person that did not work out].

6) Your future roommate looks like someone else you knew that steals/was creepy/ looks through peoples underwear drawer. ( ( Hear me out ) ) There was this guy at my school who just was odd. He used to go through my phone, go through my desk drawers, looked in and around my closet, went through my friends backpack and purses. Although he didn't steal, he just looked... It wasn't cool bro... just not cool. If you are faced with this... LEAP out the nearest window.

7) If your roommate has lemur eyes, like the ones listed below, self-implode before moving in.

Introduction

On Monday, March 22 of 2010, I filed my first police report. It was a non-emergency situation, and the culprits were my roommates. How do you get to this point? Follow along.